Antara Ada dan Tiada

This is one of my favorite songs since the year 2004. One of my friend asked me, why your favorite song is always sad songs? I never realized it before, but as I'm not a musician, I don't pay more attention about the kind of musics, I prefer the lyrics than the musics, and it is always the sad lyrics since 2004.

I tried to find the answer, and what I can say is I am the one who couldn't make a deal with my past. I try to go on, but sometimes it's still like my pace was burdened with a heavy load. I try to keep on thinking that I still have a lot of dreams to come true in this life, but rather than all of the time, I still sad of something. In this situation, there are 3 things returning me to my own way as usual, my belief, my relatives, and songs...

Allah Knows

Another favorite song of mine, when I was down, listening this song always strengthen me,, yokatta ne,, please check it out!



When you feel all alone in this world
And there's nobody to count your tears
Just remember, no matter where you are
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road that you take
Allah knows
Allah knows

CHORUS
No matter what, inside or out
There's one thing of which there's no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you find that special someone
Feel your whole life has barely begun
You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you gaze with love in your eyes
Catch a glimpse of paradise
And you see your child take the first breath of life
Allah knows
Allah knows

CHORUS

When you lose someone close to your heart
See your whole world fall apart
And you try to go on but it seems so hard
Allah knows
Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown
Allah knows
Allah knows

CHORUS (x2)


BRIDGE:
Every grain of sand,
In every desert land, He knows.
Every shade of palm,
Every closed hand, He knows.
Every sparkling tear,
On every eyelash, He knows.
Every thought I have,
And every word I share, He knows.
Allah knows

Dalam Doaku

Dalam Doaku

(Sapardi Joko Damono, 1989, kumpulan sajak
“Hujan Bulan Juni”)

Dalam doaku subuh ini kau menjelma langit yang
semalaman tak memejamkan mata, yang meluas bening
siap menerima cahaya pertama, yang melengkung hening
karena akan menerima suara-suara

Ketika matahari mengambang tenang di atas kepala,
dalam doaku kau menjelma pucuk-pucuk cemara yang
hijau senantiasa, yang tak henti-hentinya
mengajukan pertanyaan muskil kepada angin
yang mendesau entah dari mana

Dalam doaku sore ini kau menjelma seekor burung
gereja yang mengibas-ibaskan bulunya dalam gerimis,
yang hinggap di ranting dan menggugurkan bulu-bulu
bunga jambu, yang tiba-tiba gelisah dan
terbang lalu hinggap di dahan mangga itu

Maghrib ini dalam doaku kau menjelma angin yang
turun sangat perlahan dari nun di sana, bersijingkat
di jalan dan menyentuh-nyentuhkan pipi dan bibirnya
di rambut, dahi, dan bulu-bulu mataku

Dalam doa malamku kau menjelma denyut jantungku,
yang dengan sabar bersitahan terhadap rasa sakit
yang entah batasnya, yang setia mengusut rahasia
demi rahasia, yang tak putus-putusnya bernyanyi
bagi kehidupanku

Aku mencintaimu.
Itu sebabnya aku takkan pernah selesai mendoakan
keselamatanmu

Walking to the West in the Morning

When walking to the west in the morning the sun follows me from the back

I walk following my own shadow tall at the front

The sun and I did not argue about whom between the two of us created the shadow

The shadow and I did not argue about whom between the two of us is to walk at the front

(English translation of "Berjalan ke Barat di Waktu Pagi Hari", Sapardi Djoko Damano)

Everyone maybe have their own idea to catch the meaning of this poem. Whatever, to me, in my 3 minutes way walking to my lab everyday, this tiny thing make me "aware" about the present of the sun, the shadow and I. And I feel alive more than before.. Thanks God...

WHO told U a CALF to be?

......."Stop complaining!!" said the farmer,
who told you a calf to be?
Why don't you have wings to fly with
like a swallow so proud and free... (from Donna, donna, donna)

I found that lyrics when I was watching "Gie", an Indonesian Movie. Soe Hok Gie (December 17, 1942 - December 16, 1969) was an Indonesian activist, who opposed the successive dictatorships of Presidents Sukarno and Suharto.
Well, here, I will not talk about Gie, since I don't know much about him. And, I don't really like to learn history because definitely we don't know the truth, we just read based on some people stories and assumptions or arguements, and someone would like to change the story for any purpose, especially for their political concerns. So, just let them rest in peace, in their own world... ;)

"Who told you a calf to be?". This question remind me to my professor in my previous university. Actually, he didn't talk about a calf and its destiny to be a calf. He only said who told you to fail? Who told you to feel pain? Who told you to cry? Whatever your problems, stop complain, you have to make a deal with it. Just be responsible of yourself! And step to the future..
To now, his words to be sounded in my ear... "who told u, who told u, who told u..."

Let me be MYSELF...

Kalimat yang muncul setelah judul tersebut barangkali bunyinya begini: "siapa juga yang ngelarang lo jadi diri sendiri?". Dari saya SD (maklum karena tinggal di kampung, saya gak pake TK dulu), begitu banyaknya teman-teman masa kecil saya yang punya motto "be your self". Dulu saya gak begitu ambil pusing dengan makna to be your self. Saya pikir setiap orang bisa begitu mudah untuk menjadi diri sendiri. Tapi, dengan semakin bertambahnya umur saya (artinya sekarang saya sudah tua, hehe), saya semakin mengerti bahwa being your self isn't as easy as it seems..
Ask WHY? Karena begitu banyaknya tuntutan dari luar diri kita yang memaksa kita untuk menjadi seperti yang diinginkan. Barangkali, begitulah resiko hidup.
Barangkali dipojok inilah saya bisa bebas menjadi diri saya sendiri, menulis apa yang saya mau tanpa harus peduli dengan pendapat orang, bagus tidaknya atau salah benarnya. Hanya di tempat inilah saya bisa berteriak " Hey!!! This is my corner!!! What the hell you're talking about!!!" Probably, tabun ne... I am not so sure..